Dirty Talk

By Tylene Nichols

Remember decades ago when people did not talk about sex? It would never be seen in movies or talked about in the song you were listening to on the radio. If you are a Millennial like I am, then chances are you probably actually do not remember this at all. Though the media and even our own peers can be so open about sex and physical intimacy, it still seems to be approached cautiously as a topic by many. Some even avoid it completely.

Allow me to spell out my concerns about this issue. We live in a world today where sex is shoved in our face on a daily basis. These pictures, images, and song lyrics are flying rampant where anyone can see or hear this. Eventually, children will have questions, adolescents will have questions, and even adults who have been sexually active for years will have questions. Why is talking about sex still so dirty?

When I married my husband, I was a virgin. Before the wedding, I became overwhelmed with the fear of sexual intimacy. In my mind, I was not even sure I truly knew how sex worked. (Isn’t that kind of sad?) Thankfully, my husband is incredibly patient and understanding. We were able to learn together how to be sexually involved and laugh at our mistakes. It was extremely entertaining between the two of us learning what worked for the other and what did not. The only way we were able to rise above the initial awkwardness was through discussing our feelings and working together to enjoy the beauty of sex.

I think we can all agree that communication is a necessity in any kind of healthy relationship, whether it be a friendship or a marriage. It does not help if communication is strong in some areas and weak in others. While growing up, I believed that talking about sex or even thinking about sex was wrong and immoral. Because of my personal history, I cannot express how strongly I feel about sex communication. When a couple is working towards a healthy sexual relationship, each individual should want to know what the other enjoys.

It is not only important, but critically necessary to be open with your partner about sex. Discuss what you like, tell them what feels good. Sex is much more enjoyable when both people know what they are doing works, and that the other is enjoying it as well. Again, it is not awkward to talk about sex. It might actually be more awkward if you don’t talk about it.

Aside from sexual compromise with your significant other, talk about sex with your children. I am begging you. Especially as your kids grow into adolescence, they are going to have questions and the best place for them to find answers is from their parents.

Don’t know where to start? Approach these topics calmly, and do not ever make your child feel guilty or embarrassed for coming to you with questions about sex. Again, it is much better that they seek these answers from you than online or from less trustworthy peers or adults. By remaining calm and composed at the rise of these topics, you will be showing your children that talking about sex is not frowned upon.

Talking about sex is not dirty. It can open up new levels of intimacy for you and your spouse. It will always be worth it to discuss it, I promise!

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